you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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