mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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