he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
