is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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