Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
