Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
