Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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