I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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