If that was your dad, he is hot
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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