oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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