i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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