Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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