Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Alive.
So much puke
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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