I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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