I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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