You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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