She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
