there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
