please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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