I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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