those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
