i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
