Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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