i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
