Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize