i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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