dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
