So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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