No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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