somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
