Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
