I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
