I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
