I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
