I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
