Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
