VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
one might say we're banned from that church
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
