youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
