I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
