i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
