Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
