Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
