Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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