the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
