Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
