He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
