He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
