You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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