I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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