i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
