I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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