you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
