I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
