Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
