dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
