i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
