I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
