i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize