Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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