You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
