We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
