Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
